Jun 22, 2009

Main reason why I placed my child for adoption

Dance Me, Daddy

I can just picture her dancing with her daddy and laughing like in this song, and it's the little things like this I couldn't give her, that get me through the hard times. It is all worth it because her happiness is all that matters to me. She is way worth it, she's worth everything. I would die for her in a second, which is something I've never felt before (I love my family, but I'd probably take a second to contemplate dying for them....is that horrible to say? I just know (cause I've had dreams a plenty) that if I could save her life by jumping into some volcano, cliff, or whatever, I'd start running towards the edge that second and jump. I don't think that is weird,...I think my mom would do the same for me.

Anyway back to the post...I can't help but feel joy because of how much she is loved. I can just imagine her thinking her big brother is the coolest and following him around. I laugh when I think about them five years from now, I have a feeling she will be a tag-a-long like my sister was. I was only "too cool" for her for a few years though. I received a picture lately that is now one of my favorites cause she looks like she just thrives on his attention cause he can make her laugh at everything. ( I have no idea though, I just make up alot of scenarios in my head sometimes cause I like t think I "know" what she might be like or can make a good guess at least!" This is weird, but sometimes I just get a feeling out of the blue about what she is doing or what she is feeling. Not very often, but for example, one day I just felt she was swinging on a swing set for the first time, maybe the first time by herself...who knows? I felt like i could see what she was seeing and could tell she was a little scared but kept on being brave. I hear the ESP phenomenon though wears off after 2 years out of the womb....lol (I have read about some crazy studies though that make me

So I think its cool cause my favorite scenario to think up are the ones with her and her mom just hanging out together. I imagine them both having the most time together of anyone, and I think her mom is the one that she runs to first for everything! I just knew Ann was in good care after being around the family a bit. I'm so glad they have/make time for each other.. I think most birthmoms, subconsciously when looking choosing AP's, put themselves in their child's shoes and decide who they would want to live with more or have as parents.I picked my fam on the first sitting, but I read over some with the other girls..I remember hearing, " They seem kinda boring. I bet they don't even have cable." haha

I'm so off topic today. I'm kinda tired. I just wanted to post this song I heard on the radio the other day, but I had a bit too much commentary that doesn't even apply. Oh I just remembered something,..my favorite song (or one the many) growing up was a book with a musical tape too. It was called " My Father's Angels" I think. I will have to try and find it next. Apparently my dad already got his gift from me this year, a barbecue grill he uses already. But maybe he will remember the Father's angels song if I can find that somewhere. I think my sister and I tried to dance on my dad's shoes as long as we could without causing him too much pain..haha. As we got older, we just assumed his big boots could handle our weight no matter what....looking back, I can see that he really was in pain after hours of dancing, but he wouldn't say no to us. I feel kinda bad now, I hope we didn't cause his back problems?

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Dance me, Daddy. Dance me around.

Don’t let my feet ever touch down.

There’s nothing better than being your girl.

If I am your princess, then you are king of the world.”

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