We are very fortunate here to see what most birth moms may never see. Many of you may have accomplished this ( I know) but we don't hear about it that often. One of us "recovered" and gone on to raise a family and fall in love. For me I thought "impossible" I just don't see how (I have some attachment issues though, don't go by my progress..)
For those of us that are struggling with finding out how we can make the best of our life with what we have now, Brit's new baby and might inspire us all! She found her family now, isn't that what we all want in the end... just to be loved and be able to give love? Well, I for one am very excited to see her "tearing up" those statistics on us! (which may be true ones for most bmoms, but we must celebrate when one of us beats it! It is possible to have another child and a life, after adoption! Who knew?) You go Britney! You are in our prayers (the little guy is too!) -brooke
That was too long for an update, so I had to make it into a post.. Oh well, not a problem.... :)
You will find so much conflicting evidence on the effects of adoption and also hear people telling you how it is best to go through the adoption process, what to watch for, what to think about, how to treat your own baby after birth, etc... The list is long, and the internet is filled with "adoption advice counselors" and whatnot for whoever. Some are objective (there must be one) but many are bias and "propaganda" laced ,(as many of you call it) I don't disagree with that. I just notice it is much the same for the other side which tells you All adoptions end in turmoil and ruin for everyone, never to recover. I'm not saying I don't agree that that happens either.
But one thing I have come to realize after becoming a BIRTH mother is that I actually hate "over generalizations" Mainly because I am usually the one left out of the group "generalized" about. But I'm sure I overgeneralize just as much too. It is hard to stop. Tell me next time you catch me, because one thing that matters the most to me is that us "birth" mothers, women, are always respected and treated as individuals! All of us are VERY unique in their own way. (You can tell that just by reading some of our discussions on this page) very different are we... but we have one thing in common that makes us put up with each other no after what. I hope you know if you ever need anything, I will be here (and try to do my best) for you. I have a special place in my heart for you, that can't be filled. It will always remain open as a will never forget the women who experienced the same thing as me. No matter who "forgets" us, we all are never forgotten completely. Even if you don't' believe in God, He believes in you, so never give up! OK, I know I can get very corny, I'll stop now.
Oh, and by pointing out the differences in all of us we someday might really stop the adoption agencies from over-generalizing all of us to society, the AP's, and their donors. I'm just saying, there is ALWAYS one exception to the rule, and I feel many authors and researches leave that out of their conclusions based on pure numbers. Not all adoptions are good and not all are bad. And there is so much we can do to change the ratio as well. So just remember, even if your like me and your whole adoption turned out to be a big shame and you were lied to. It doesn't mean all mothers are the same way. Let's learn form them and take some hope in the fact that we still have a chance at becoming who we once were before and who we always wanted to be. I promised my daughter I wouldn't be bitter or hurting when she came to see me one day. I promised her and myself that I would be someone she could be proud to call her real mother. It is hard on your spirit though, without your child. No one expects you to move on really, or at least they wouldn't blame you if you never really did...
"No one understands in the world how much I loved her, it was different" I find myself saying sometimes. Then I remember all of you I have "met" via the internet and I know I am not alone. Just a thought, but next time you are crying alone in your room missing them, just say a little prayer for another birthmom you know (or don't even know) just try it. Because prayers work, and if you pray for someone I guarantee God will make sure you receive a few prayers too. And if I almost lost ya with that being preachy stuff, just try it few ra hoot, or call it sending positive energy from you and back to you.
My daughter and I had "our song" she loved the sound of it so! It was "I hope you dance" and I played it everyday for her that month. In it, is this one line, "don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter, when you come close to selling out reconsider, give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance..."
And that is what I want her to do. It was selfish what people did to many of us; meaning the agencies or others. But don't ever ever ever let them win or even see you down! Just keep the hope alive, and in time it will all come together, and most likely in the best way it was meant be for us.
I hope you never lose your sense of wonderYou get your fill to eat but always keep that hungerMay you never take one single breath for grantedGod forbid love ever leave you empty-handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the oceanWhenever one door closes I hope one more opensPromise me that you'll give faith a fighting chanceAnd when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you danceI hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distanceNever settle for the path of least resistanceLiving might mean taking chances but they're worth takingLovin' might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitterWhen you come close to selling out reconsiderGive the heavens above more than just a passing glanceAnd when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you danceI hope you dance(Rolling us along)I hope you dance(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)I hope you dance(Where those years have gone)
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the oceanWhenever one door closes I hope one more opensPromise me that you'll give faith a fighting chanceAnd when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
DanceI hope you dance(Dance)I hope you dance(Time is a wheel in constant motion always)I hope you dance(Rolling us along)I hope you dance(Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)I hope you dance(Where those years have gone)
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder(Dance)Where those years have gone(Dance)
hope you dont mind me using Brit!
Me, back when I used to have fun sometimes...
You know we always want to hear everyone's story. It is frustrating when they are all over the place and in comments and such. Just because I'd like to have them all to look at. For some reason not many want to post there story on their profile at hermission.com, so if you want to stay on the facebook page, I opened up the discussion tab again (I had closed it because we already had enough discussions going on to handle! But if we could simply have each of you "start a new comment" then write your experiences (any of them) then that would be grat. Then update it with more if you want to later as you remember. Hope that works! Because it is amazing to see the page "insights" from my view, on what topics are popular and so on.
The 2 hour talk show and open call in line "Birht Mom's Live" every night was a bit too hard to keep up with (I can talk that's for sure, but not that much) So I am hoping to do every other day at 10 pm. Some of you have asked for advicce or questions about handeling the transition after placement day. Feel free to call in wiht those questions to, because I guarantee you are not the only one out there thinking of them! http://blogtalkradio/birthmoms and post ur blog on birthmomblogs.com ASAP.
"Remembering Birth Mother's Day" Event is coming up soon, and I want to get a chance to explain this year more about why we even recognize it at all. So I hope you will stick around to read that in a few days. (we are starting local group support meetups and are looking for leaders to volunteer. We have a few materials for you to start with and it will be great for those around you in your state.
Together we can make it
One of the main reasons I formed this mission was because I didn't see many places where ALL Birth Mother's had a voice. It was wither your all for it or all against. I want reform and respect for women...whatever term you call em! My blog was originally called, The invisible woman, cause thats how I felt....
