Birth Mom Missions provides a much needed (and often overlooked) service to women who have placed their child for adoption. We offer guidance before, after and during the adoption process to all women who ask, regardless of their choices made. Much of this is done through phone conversations, emails, letters, prayers and social networking correspondence. We are dedicated to providing nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and guidance for those who choose to become birth mothers.
Two birthmother's began the mission, when they realized the great need for birth mother support before and after an adoption.
We offer local supportive groups (growing nationwide) made up of women who have been through the similar experiences. We want to provide young women in the future with the knowledge and support that we wish we had from a birth mother. Someone who knew what it was like and was totally unbiased. Someone to talk to us, inform us, guide us, emphasize with us, and answer all our silly questions. One goal of the mission is to someday see every pregnant woman that is considering adoption, have at least one birth mother mentor.
The mission touches the lives of those adopted, adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, pregnant woman at risk, the unborn, and other parts of society in ways yet to be seen.
Some background: It seems that the grief which results from adoption loss more often follows a pattern which is the exact opposite of what one might expect in the case of other losses. I have reached certain conclusions on the grief associated with adoption loss, based on my own experience, the experiences of the women I have encountered and the books on grief and grief counselling which I have read. It became obvious to me that the common models of grief counselling would not work with mothers who had lost children through adoption. I concluded that the grief resulting from the loss of a child through adoption was fundamentally different from other types of grief. I explored grief associated with abortion, with stillbirth and neo-natal death and with loss of custody. Although there were some similarities, it seemed that adoption grief was unique.
This disenfranchised grief is when the grief is connected with a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially supported. In many cases of disenfranchised grief, the relationship is not recognised, the loss is not recognised or the griever is not recognised. The loss of a child through adoption is usually a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, which is why mothers often suffer in silence...people who have experienced any type of loss often feel anger, guilt, sadness, depression, hopelessness and numbness and that in cases of disenfranchised grief, these feelings can persist for a very long time. The lack of recognition of their grief often results in them holding on to it more tenaciously than they might otherwise have done.
CONCLUSIONS: The relinquishing mother is at risk for long-term physical, psychological, and social repercussions. Although interventions have been proposed, little is known about their effectiveness in preventing or alleviating these repercussions." Journal of Obstetric, Gynecological and Neonatal Nursing, 1999 Jul-Aug. pp.395-400.
We hope to help this by raising awareness among the community and create services for her recovery.
Many different groups of people fear birth parent grief for many reasons. The old adage goes that people fear what they don't know. So, we would like to shed a little light on why birth parent grief isn't meant to be scary to adoptive parents, adoptees or the general public.
We stress the birth mother aspect because we feel it is what makes us a unique organization and allows us to truly "tell it like it is" to women just like ourselves. Unfortunately we missed out on an older birth mom mentor, but we want to provide help to women in the future that experience an unexpected or crisis pregnancy and choose life. We are dedicated to providing nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and guidance for those who choose to become birth mothers. Another goal of Birth Mom Missions is to increase media awareness of Birth Mother's day (set in 1990 as the day before mother's day each year)
Founders:
Two birth mother's began this mission when they became aware of the great need for support of birth mother's post adoption. They had "roomed" together in a local adoption agengy dorm. During, their final 3 months of pregnancy. they experienced the good and the bad, the ups and the downs and everything else you could think of...together as birth mothers' of adoption,. They quickly realized just how important their friendship was then and continues to be. They lived with 30 other birth mothers (ages 13 to 40) and wre able to see several different perspectives on adoption from all sides of the triad (as the dorm was at an adoption facility)
(options to bithmom: lifemom, firstmom, tummymom, etc...In actuality most birth moms of adoption don't really care what they are called by the adoptive family and others....as long as they are called.)
The 3 main focuses within Birth Mom Missions are:
1. Support & Advice for Womenpre-and post adoption. Sometimes people surrounding adoption can unintentionally cause a birth parent to feel guilty or shameful. Unfortunately, guilt and shame seem to be an ever-evolving presence in the life of a parent who has placed a child for adoption. While no two birth parents are going to experience guilt in the same way throughout their entire journeys, birth parents should find comfort in knowing that some other birth parent, somewhere on this Earth, has felt something similar. While our experiences are unique, the issue is not. You are never alone.
A few of the services we will provide: local & nationwide supportive groups, online live meetings, prayer groups, monthly newsletters, triad forums, a 1-800 phone support line (maintained only by real birth mother's, who have been in a similar situation before,) worksheets and references for before and after to help women process the life changing events that have just occurred, and much more. We also help birth mom's in communication activities with the adoptive parents and help them vocalize all their important questions early.. It can be very intimidating making that first call to tell a couple they are about to have a family. (Many questions you might not think of, with all you have going on,) Most importantly a community of women and supporters of Birth Mom Missions praying for you through it all.
2. Birth Mom's for Life: Mother Teresa says it best, "I will tell you something beautiful. We are fighting abortion by adoption..." Pregnancy is an emotional time for a woman, even under the best of circumstances. She needs someone to lean on, particularly when she is young and inexperienced. In today's society, the "easy" solution of abortion becomes a constant temptation during this time. Our mission is to cherish children, encourage families, and tell women of the experiences we have had and witnessed We offer peer mentoring and support to all mothers who are expecting through pregnancy or adoption, or those who are experiencing the pain of miscarriage, stillbirth, abortion, or infertility. Volunteers offer support in the form of phone calls, cards, prayers, visits, emails, and educational resources
We advocate adoption as an REAL option and go to schools and other locations to spread the word about what an honor it is to be able to give the gift of life! Although it may be hard at sometimes to be a birth mother, we believe it is much harder to suffer an abortion. Some things, like a life, are never easily forgotten.
3. Adoption Celebration, Advocacy & Reform- We want to spread how wonderful adoption can be, but we see some things that could be changed for the better. We were able to see a lot from our perspective, living in an adoption dorm. We also seek to make sure every adoptee knows they are loved and missed everyday. Because the worst pain is that of feeling unwanted. They were always wanted. And finally, we provide a resource for the community to see what real birth mother's are like (instead of the "madefor TV version" many are exposed to) We promote Birth Mother's Day every year, Answering Adoptive parents questions they may have, and alieviate some fears on all sides.
We have a few products for birth mom's at http://zazzle.com/birthmoms for sell, but mainly we would appreciate if you would help us spread the word by joining or telling someone about BirthMomMissions.Com. You can becoming a fan of our facebook page, or many other groups listed on this page.
We are just getting started so bear with until we iron out the kinks. Any advice or suggestions are always appreciated. In the first few weeks of our mission, we experienced some domain issues and may have lost some emails sent to us. If you are one of those who never got a reply, please send again and we truly apologize for not responding sooner.
Even More Info:
The truth remains that birth parents have parted with a huge piece of themselves. Even the most independent woman will tell you that having a child changes a woman's view of herself. Placing that child is akin to letting go of a piece of yourself.
The wording often offered up to birth parents searching for some answers comes out something like, "Well, it's for the best." Of course, birth parents can then internalize that well-intentioned placating sentence and start to wonder what is fundamentally wrong with them that their child is better off elsewhere.
Why are we needed? One reason is:
Every year approximately 1.3 million single women become unexpectedly pregnant. Sadly, less than two percent choose the loving option of adoption, while two million couples eagerly wait to adopt children.
(More on Mission Page)
Donations:
Donations are graciously accepted. We hate asking for them though, which is something we will probably have to learn how to do in order to exist! We strive to do what is good and we feel God is calling us to do...if we don't have the funds needed at any certain time, it can be a good indicator that we were not going in the right direction!
If you want to donate, we would greatly appreciate any donations no matter how small! All donors are honored in some way and have full knowledge of where ther money went and how (or who) there money is helping. It is not just a tax deductable charity donation, it's a gift that saves lives and gives women courage and hope in times of weakness. Right now, our 24/7 Crisis pregnancy Hotline and Post Adoption Support gets the most activity and so any small funds would go directly towards that payment. Our online presence is the next area item difficult costly to maintain. We offer individual counseling and spread awareness and love for all those involved in the adoption triad! Let us know how we can help you or if you are interested in getting more involved. Join one of our MANY groups or social networks!
SO IF YOUR ADOPTED, REMEMBER: Somebody is very proud of you. Somebody is thinking of you. Somebody misses you. Somebody wants to be with you. Somebody is thankful for you. Somebody wants to hold your hand. Somebody hopes everything turns out all right. Somebody wants you to be happy. Somebody wants to give you a gift. Somebody thinks you ARE a gift. Somebody wants to hug you. Somebody wants to protect you. Somebody can't wait to see you. Somebody loves you for who you are. Somebody treasures your spirit. Somebody wants you to know they never forgot you.. Somebody would do anything for you. Somebody wants to share their dreams with you. Somebody believes in you. Somebody will cry when they read this. Somebody needs you to have faith in them. Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you. Somebody hopes you understand. Somebody wonders if you will love them. Somebody is your birth mom out there...
I know this has been covered many times before, but I thought I'd write about the one thing adoptive families fear most. For a lot of us, it's even more frightening than the prospect of a long wait. It's the Home Study. Oh, no! You have to spend at least a week cleaning your house. You have to have endless interviews. Every person you've ever met in your entire life will also be subjected to endless interviews. Your life will, basically, be under a magnifying glass, just to see if you and your family make a suitable candidate for raising a child. All this comes, for a good many of us, after a struggle with infertility. more
Post Adoption Depression Syndrome (PADS)
This is a very difficult post for me to write. I've felt strongly inclined to share my experiences with this topic, but at the same time, that doesn't make it any easier for me to say the words. After Aidan was born, I had a touch of what's best defined as the "baby blues". There were days that were rough, but for the most part, I just felt a little down. I was—and still am—blessed with a tremendous support team: my husband, my family and friends, an excellent OB and my amazing PCP. more
3. Highlighted Articles
The authors of these articles are solely responsible for their content. The views expressed therein do not necessarily represent the views of Adoption Week e-Magazine, Adoption Media, L.L.C., or any of its sponsors, advertisers or collaborators.
Caring for Your African American or Biracial Child's Hair - Mahisha Dellinger
Over the years I've read, seen, and experienced unbelievable acts of ignorance regarding ethnic hair care. It is my attempt to provide a few basic tips and tricks so you will avoid common pitfalls.more
Blended Family/Kids in Distress: What to Do? - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
It is safe to assume that most parents will enter into a new relationship post separation/divorce, many resulting in a combination of children. The issue then becomes how to manage the new relationship in view of the kids and how to manage the adjustment process. When children appear significantly distressed in a newly blended family, the other natural parent may take them to counseling as a means to investigate the distress or help them cope. Unfortunately however while this provides a sense that something is being done, often little is accomplished.more
Raising Kids Transracially - Ann Freeman
When we chose to adopt interracially, we carefully considered what parenting children of color would mean for us and our future kids. We wanted to provide our children with natural, ongoing contact with people with whom they shared cultural identity. We wanted our kids to be in an environment where friends, neighbors and other community members included many people of their ethnicity...more
Read the entire text of these articles at e-Magazine.adoption.com, and submit your adoption-related articles for possible publication in this newsletter. All submissions will be subject to the applicable terms, restrictions and conditions of Adoption Media, L.L.C.
4. Adoption News
Legal fatherhood must be determined by more than DNA - The Vancouver Sun - www.vancouversun.com
In Quebec, DNA confirmation that a man has no genetic link to his partner's child offers no legal basis for challenging his paternity -- at least, not when he's on the birth documents and has reared the child as his own. So says the Quebec Court of Appeal in a judgment that the Supreme Court of Canada recently refused to review.read more and discuss
Mom Can End Stepfather's Visits - The Deseret News - www.deseretnews.com
The Utah Court of Appeals has ruled a Utah mother has the right to terminate a stepfather's visitation rights to their daughter after their divorce. In a ruling with implications for the rights of stepparents to visit children after a divorce, the court of appeals ruled a mother can terminate her ex-husband's legal standing to petition a court for visitation...read more and discuss
Your Adoption News - Read and Contribute by visiting Adoption.com News.
5. Featured Waiting Children
Raven (2/96) is a very pretty young lady with a great sense of humor. Raven has made great improvement in school. She is an intelligent child and does well in school. She makes average grades and has improved in managing her behaviors in school...more
6. Meet New Hopeful Adoptive Parents
The information and links displayed below relate to profile posting services provided on the ParentProfiles.com web site, which is a service of Adoption Profiles, L.L.C., who sponsors this section and is solely responsible for its content.
Gregory & Billinda (IA)
We would love and care for your precious baby more than can be humanly expressed. We both have had first hand, personal experience with adoption and feel we understand the issues and emotions associated. Please see what we have to offer your child...more
Are you pregnant? Visit ParentProfiles.com (a service of Adoption Profiles, L.L.C.) to choose who you feel will be the right adoptive parents for your baby.
Are you a hopeful adoptive parent? Explore tools to help build your profile. (Sponsored by Adoption Profiles, L.L.C., which is solely responsible for its content)
7. Adoption Gem
"Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them." -- Richard L. Evans Share your story, thought, or quote for possible publication in this newsletter. All submissions will be subject to the applicable terms, restrictions and conditions of Adoption Media, L.L.C.
8. Adoption Buzz
Adoptee Support - She loved you so much she chose adoption...
"She loved you so much she chose adoption" or any other variation of that oft said statement. As a child put in context with society at the time, it was a logical statement to make...now as an adult the phrase seems like an oxymoron, love and giving away...more
Birth Mothers Support - new- needing to talk
Hi, I gave up my beautiful baby girl,Jessica on the 17th June 2009. I love her with all my heart and soul. I had to let her go because it was the best for her, I have no support, no job and no where to live and my partner did not want a baby. I had no choice. I'm so sad and alone and have no one to talk to about what happened...more
For more on-line adoption discussions, visit forums.adoption.com.
9. Just for the Fun of It
Child Psychology
A new teacher thought she would use what she learned in her psychology courses. She said to her class, "Everyone who thinks they are stupid, please stand up."
After a few seconds, one boy stood. "Do you think you're stupid?" she asked.
"No, ma'am, but I just didn't want you to have to stand there all by yourself."
Share your family-appropriate humorous story or joke for possible publication in this newsletter. All submissions will be subject to the applicable terms, restrictions and conditions of Adoption Media, L.L.C.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_ubDw0bvPc_gJg4wLz0z5-L3tB7K1oRapVS3aalmi2NnlFu7G6uKVZOO-fGyADw93zMXoLvctc92XjfECMxFbx_mhYM28MDj2D34Q72qHeeHjT1CImL9MKUw1VQZQEk2bnidcanZZpBAyQ49KT-TiBL=s0-d)
