This one hits home, huh?
I admit I can only watch the first 5 seconds then I loose it. But this is a clip from a DVD I made her. This is Chapter 11, th last chapter on the menu screen. Its all my favorite old movies and songs I wnt her to know. Ill post em all sometime. And this is part of the mission too. If you'd like me to make a DVD for your child that represents you. email me and we can talk. You can examples in different places on the web.
Does she play in her tutu I got for her? Does it fit? Isn't pink her favorite color?
What words can she say?
Does she have an accent like me?
Is her stomach doing ok? Does she regularly poop?
Does she like to take baths or not?
What’s her favorite song?
Her favorite book?
Do you sing or read her to sleep at night?
Do you ever play the songs I put on the CD for her to hear?
How well can she talk now?
Does she make friends easily?
What is her Last name? Or just her middle one?
Does she recognize people after meeting them just once?
How is her teething coming along?
Does she have an overbite? (I did)
How was she on the first plane trip she took?
Does she share well with others?
Is she picky about anything?
What is the most annoying thing she does? (If any)
Has she asked questions about why she looks different yet?
I could go on forever, and I do in my mind, everyday.
Can you just tell me everything about her, I long so deep to know who she is. Hug her for me, PLEASE!
http://www.thestoryofagirl.com/my-diary/
This
page is just pieces of my diary over the past five years or so. I got
this awesome software that will dictate my speech and type up anything I
say, so I’m just going through all my writings and FINALLY going to
get them documented somewhere! I am not a big fan of typing, or else I
would be sharing so much more with you. These entries are not very well
organized yet, but you can probably tell what time it is written y who
I am addressing it to.
So if some of the words are a bit off,
it’s probably because the dictation software heard me wrong and I have
yet to correct it. For example: “I have so many hopes and James for you” just go ahead and assume that means dreams…lol I put different entries in different colors, to make it a little clearer
———————————————————————————————————————
One goal of Birth Mom Missions is to increase media awareness of Birth Mother's day (which has been the day before mother's day every year since 1990)
Remember....if you are adopted, your Birth Mother Loves You!
(options to birthmom: lifemom, firstmom, tummymom, etc...In actuality most birth moms of adoption don't really care what they are called by the adoptive family and others....as long as they are called.)
“So on Birthmother’s Day I find myself in the grocery store buying a dozen yellow roses for myself, just as I will do again this year. And I will write to me a card that says, “A good mother does what is best for her children ... you are a good mother.” And I will put them on the table and I will glance at them throughout the day. I may even have the courage to breathe in their sweet scent. Their presence in my house, and on my table, will be a reminder that sometimes being a good mother is something I have to do alone. Without thank you’s or giggles of joy, when there are no smiles of pride to confirm, when there are no handmade cards to open carefully, when there are no gifts to exclaim surprise over, when there are no party hats or balloons to throw out, when there is no cake to cover, when there are no laps or little arms to embrace ... when it is just simply a dozen yellow roses sitting atop my kitchen table seemingly whispering all day long; I remember the reason I am a good mother.
Happy Birthmother’s Day to all my yellow rose girls who will be remembering the same thing as I this coming Saturday!
Explanation of Birthmother’s day:
Birthmother’s day is a day to celebrate and honor our birthmotherhood. Its a day to reflect on the choice we made and the life we gave. Its a day to recognize, that we are good mothers who made the ultimate sacrifice for our children. History on Birthmother’s Day:
Birthmother’s Day is celebrated the Saturday before Mother’s Day. It originated in 1990 by a group of birthmothers in Seattle, Washington. Most birthmothers will agree that Mother’s Day is a very painful holiday and these women wanted to create something that would honor their birthmotherhood.
Celebrating Birthmom’s Day:
Birthmother’s Day unites birthmoms. A lot of agencies and organizations are hosting birthmother’s day events and it has become more recognized by the adoption community as a day of remembrance for birthmothers. Check with agencies, support groups, and adoption related organizations in your area to see if they might be hosting a Birthmom’s Day event. If not, then celebrate on your own. Treat yourself to a special dinner or buy yourself a rose - something to celebrate your birthmotherhood!!
Before I became a birth mom I had no idea there was such a thing. Then when mother's day rolled around last year, just a month after placement day, it was nice to find there was a holiday for us women who didn't really fit into the "mother's day" category to be remembered. We hope next year to have enough funds in the nonprofit to celebrate in a much bigger way and affect more women (pre and post adoption) I wish for all adoptee's to know how much they are truly loved by us. I will never stop loving my daughter. When she is old enough and the parents tell her about me, I want her to be able to see that I never stopped loving her from the moment I said goodbye, Ask us for any advice on gift selections or wording: info@birthmommissions.com
We would appreciate if you would help us spread the word by joining on of our many social networks, donating, or telling someone about http://birthbommissions.com, or becoming a fan of our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/pages/BirthMomMissions
Now all
donations to this facebook cause will go directly to the mission! Now we can
really get to work! Our main website (birthmomissions.com) has been updated, and
also several other thing...s. Any suggestions are always welcome too. Our new toll
free phone number is 1-888-4ULOVED (catchy huh?) but for the next week our
temporary number is: 866-718-9756. Hopefully it's an easy enough number to
remember and you can give it out the next time run into someone in need of our
support. It's free and they can call 24/7 to talk to a birth mom. That's about
it, just wanted to let you know we ere.
I don't like sending too many cause updates (think I have only sent 3
total over the year) because I know how annoying they can be consuming your
inbox! So if you want to be updated more often on where we are in the process of
growing the mission, you can subscribe here: http://birthmomsupport.com/updates/embed.form.php
About
Birth Mom Missions provides a much needed (and often overlooked) service to
women who have placed their child for adoption. We offer guidance before,
after and during the adoption process to all women who ask, regardless of their
choices made. Much of this is done through phone conversations, emails, letters,
prayers and social networking correspondence. We are dedicated to providing
nonjudgmental assistance to any woman facing an unplanned pregnancy and guidance
for those who choose to become birth mothers. Birth Mothers have parted with
a huge piece of themselves. Even the most independent woman will tell you that
having a child changes a woman's view of herself. Placing that child is akin to
letting go of a piece of yourself. We offer local supportive groups (growing
nationwide) made up of women who have been through the similar experiences. We
want to provide young women in the future with the knowledge and support that we
wish we had from a birth mother. Someone who knew what it was like and was
unbiased. Someone to talk to us, inform us, guide us, emphasize with us, and
answer all our silly questions. One goal of the mission is to someday see every
pregnant woman that is considering adoption,to have at least one birth mother
mentor. The mission touches the lives of those adopted, adoptive parents,
hopeful adoptive parents, pregnant woman at risk, the unborn, and other parts of
society in ways yet to be seen.
Some background: It seems that the
grief which results from adoption loss more often follows a pattern which is the
exact opposite of what one might expect in the case of other losses. From my
research, I have made certain conclusions on the grief associated with adoption
loss, based on my own experience, the experiences of the women I have
encountered and the books on grief and grief counselling which I have read. It
became obvious to me that the common models of grief counselling would not work
with mothers who had lost children through adoption. I concluded that the grief
resulting from the loss of a child through adoption was fundamentally different
from other types of grief. I explored grief associated with abortion, with
stillbirth and neo-natal death and with loss of custody. Although there were
some similarities, it seemed that adoption grief was unique. This
disenfranchised grief is when the grief is connected with a loss which cannot be
openly acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially supported. In many cases of
disenfranchised grief, the relationship is not recognised, the loss is not
recognised or the griever is not recognized. The loss of a child through
adoption is usually a loss which cannot be openly acknowledged, which is why
mothers often suffer in silence...people who have experienced any type of loss
often feel anger, guilt, sadness, depression, hopelessness and numbness and that
in cases of disenfranchised grief, these feelings can persist for a very long
time. The lack of recognition of their grief often results in them holding on to
it more tenaciously than they might otherwise have done.
The 3 main goals
within Birth Mom Missions are: 1. Support & Advice for Women pre-and post
adoption. 2. Birth Mom's for Life: Every year approximately 1.3 million
single women become unexpectedly pregnant. Sadly, less than two percent choose
the loving option of adoption, while two million couples eagerly wait to adopt
children. The abortion rate continues to rise. Each day, women wake up in our
community believing abortion is the only realistic solution to an unplanned
pregnancy. 3. Adoption Celebration, Advocacy &
Reform Donations/Support:
We would appreciate if you would help us
spread the word by joining or telling someone about BirthMomMissions.Com. You
can becoming a fan of our facebook page.http://facebook.com/birthmommissions
This birthmom deal is not at all like I imagined it would be. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my decision! I know she was meant to be adopted into her family. I am still so amazed at how clear that was. It's just that post-adoption is nothing at all like I thought, not even close. Not worse, not better, just different. I guess all I had to go on was my own imagination at the time! Come to think of it, I don't know how I pictured it, maybe I didn't..Or maybe God was helping me see the goodness and love in it, and I just forget now at times. When I saw her and her family together in person or in pictures, it just made me so happy. It always has, I just don't get to see as many pics as before.
It just seemed much more "do-able" then. It still is, it's just that every emotion that I think should be next, is always the total opposite in reality. Usually my body starts aching when I am trying to avoid an emotion, and it isn't until my body gives out that I will acknowledge the pain. I'm just all over the place with my feelings. It's an overall icky feeling when time goes by and the memory of someone you can see slowly drifting away. It's like you know that's supposed to happen and it is how anyone grieves a loss and gets better over time, but I want to fight it inside with all my heart too! Is that self-destructive behavior then? Cause I don't want to follow the steps anymore in my grief processing pamphlet. I want to just call it a day and set up base at #6 for a while. If I were her (my daughter), I don't think I would want...yeah I'm sure I wouldn't want, to be forgotten in the least bit. Even if she resented me for the adoption, I would like her to know I never went a second without thinking about her. But it's not about holding onto it because I feel guilty and think it will hurt her to move on (that is the common response I get from people) It's more selfish than that. Instead I can't (or it feels I can't) let go because I think it will hurt ME to do so. If it's biological, then why try process anything, it's ingrained in you. Maybe it is inevitable though, the mind just will forget... and that just, well, sucks. That's my feeling about the dang grief processing model!
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. - C.S. Lewis
I don't lie the Kubler-Ross 5 stages of grief (that is just not enough steps 4 me) Looking at any grief processing theory, even with 10 steps, doesn't make you thrilled for the future...
I found this articel and website interesting: http://www.birthpsychology.com/birthscene/adoption4.html And this little quote proves my beliefs on attachement may be true:
"Many doctors and psychologists now understand that bonding doesn't begin at birth, but is a continuum of physiological, psychological, and spiritual events which begin in utero and continue throughout the postnatal bonding period. When this natural evolution is interrupted by a postnatal separation from the biological mother, the resultant experience of abandonment and loss is indelibly imprinted upon the unconscious minds of these children, causing that which I call the primal wound'." So writes Nancy Verrier in her book, The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child (1993).
But what a fetus most needs--from the earliest moments after conception--is to feel a sense of connection with its mother, a feeling from her that he or she is loved, but more than just loved, welcomed--if not on the practical, physical level of knowing for sure that she will ultimately parent the child, then on the more spiritual realm of recognizing it to be a child of God, an innocent being that needs nurturance in this moment.
A woman with a crisis pregnancy may not feel entitled to bond with her baby. She may believe--like society in general tends to believe, especially if she is even considering adoption for her child--that it is her "job" not to do what is usually the natural thing, which is to embrace that baby on some level. I think it's critical that a woman in this circumstance be supported and guided in following her instinct to connect with her baby, with the crucial--and perhaps liberating--understanding that the unknown future of their relationship together need not--and should not!--dictate that she not connect with the baby now.
I dream of a big happy house with lots of smiles and laughs and good food and music on the radio, and oh how I wish that for you...will you have that? I don't know right now what will await you, or me, after you arrive into this world... But whatever home you have later, I want your home now to be secure. As I rub my belly I wonder what you feel in there, do you feel my love for you? Do you feel my fear, too? You probably do, but feel my love more, okay? Feel my love...
Hand in hand with this sense of not being entitled to claim the baby, there is sometimes the feeling of shame on the part of a woman facing a crisis pregnancy, that she's made this big "mistake", perhaps feels that she's letting lots of people down--her parents, her boyfriend, etc.--and may not even feel worthy of claiming the baby inside her. The feeling may be that she'll "save" the baby by staying detached from it: "I'm not going to screw up your life, too."
A woman having these types of feelings can hopefully be led to an understanding that regardless of how she views herself--or how anyone else "on the outside" may view her--and regardless of her difficult circumstances, the most important thing for her baby is to feel her very real, claiming presence. She needs to know that she is everything to her baby, if only for this short time in her womb.
Here is a summary on grief processing theories over the years:
Grief is a Natural process. Everyone has griefs, both large and small:
A large grief might be the loss of a loved one grief, a rape grief, incest grief, or loosing a limb grief.
A small grief might be the canceling of an important event like the next bif family wedding, or cutting yourself on broken glass during dishes.
the biblical phrase "Grieve Not" - it’s real, but really says, "Grieve with hope".
The first Study (I think) on grief was by Dr. Erich Lindeman, Harvard College, Scholarly paper "Symptomatology and Management of Acute Grief" published in the American Journal of Psychiatry in the 1960’s. The grieving person has to "extricate himself from the bondage to the deceased and find new patternsof rewarding interaction." The study found differences between 'normal grief' and 'morbid grief':
Normal grief achieves the separation.
Morbid grief is self-perpetuating and never ending.
Dr. Lindeman then described 5 things he saw in acute grief. These are now known as the "Five Stages of Grief" and are relatively well known in the counseling realm; at least my mother the pastor has talked about them since she was in seminary as something everyone knew or should know. So: here goes. The 5 Stages of Grief: (traditional)
Somatic Distress: Physical pain, usually in your heart or forehead. (Note: I haven’t ever grieved by finding my big toe hurt a lot. That’s another problem, relating to the pickle jar you were just holding)
Preoccupation with the image of the deceased.
Guilt
Anger
Loss of patterns of conduct
People don’t always move between them in order; Everyone doesn’t have each stage in an equal amount;, People can be in more than one stage at once.
There’s some new thinking on this subject. (My most plausible) Many books now refer to there being 10 stages. The Ten Stages of Grief (developed over last 10 years)
Ten Stages of Grief
1. SHOCK: Anesthetized against the overwhelming loss. Not comprehending and not able to face the full magnitude of it.
2 EMOTIONAL RELEASE: Beginning to realize how dreadful the loss is. Venting or releasing these feelings is better than trying to repress them.
3. 3 DEPRESSION, LONELINESS AND UTTER ISOLATION: Feeling of “No help for me.” Down in the depths of despair. Should know this is a NORMAL feeling. Aided by EXPRESSED CONCERN.
4. PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS OF DISTRESS: “Ill” with symptoms related to the loss. Best help is to understand the grief process
5. PANIC: Convinced “something is wrong with me” as a person, can concentrate on little else. May fear losing the mind.
6. GUILT FEELINGS: May recall own past neglect, mistreatment, or wrong to the deceased. Wrongs may be imaginary or exaggerated. But they may be REAL wrongs with REAL guilt. Confession and unburdening of real guilt gives best relief. “Forgiveness” of real wrongs, as if they were imaginary, is no adequate solution.
7. HOSTILITY: Feeling better leads to expressing self more actively. Hostile expressions toward those who “caused” the loss are common. Such hostility is normal but not to be encouraged.
8. INABILITY TO RENEW NORMAL ACTIVITIES: Cannot get back to “business as usual.” Must bear loss alone, since others are back to normal activities. Need encouragement to face new realities, not to be sheltered from them.
9. GRADUAL OVERCOMING OF GRIEF: Emotional balance returns little by little, like healing of a physical would. Rate varies with individuals.
10. READJUSTMENT TO THE NEW REALITIES: Not “old self again,” because there is a new situation. Stronger, deeper, better for having faced and overcome the disaster.
I lived with 31 birth mom's ages 13-45, so I got a pretty good feel of some different perspectives from them. Hope it helps!
I wrote this on my Adoption Network Group on Linkedin. The group seems to learn a lot from each other. You can join if you want, just click the link! It is also on Birth Mom Missions, of course.
I know a lot of time and thought goes into most adoptive parent's profile. Here are some things I looked for when choosing a family, and some things I didn't look for too. I looked for photos and content that showed an active outdoor lifestyle. Showing how you would take them snow skiing, to the beach, to the lake, to historical monuments, etc...All the things we birth mothers can't give them and want them to have.
One of the main reasons that a lot of girls. including me, went through with an adoption, was because we wanted our child to have a mother and father. So I'd suggest somehow showing that your relationship is sturdy and will last
Big thing for me. The other kids! How many cousins, relatives, close friends have young children. I want her to grow up with playmates and peers and have FUN. So cute shots of your niece and nephew playing are a plus. don't overkill on the pics with you surrounded by kids though. It's too obvious, and looks like your kinda weird....jk! Grandma and Grandpa are a plus... (but not a requirement)
I wanted a strong Christian family, that really followed God and worked daily to know Him more. That's hard to convey in pics and words...but some do it very well.
I am not suggesting anyone lie, it's best to be honest on everything. You don't have to be the CEO of some huge company for us to think your financially secure...(almost anything was more security than I could offer at the moment) Sometimes the profiles look too much like a job application or recommendation letter.. All of the girls (I mean, huge pregnant girls) shared profiles with each other and when they decide on one they would pass it around the room, half bragging over their choice and half scared they missed something and picked the wrong one. I had my roommate go thru it a dozen times for me, just in case I mssed some huge warning flag .(like something in the background that would give them away..haha) We ruminated over those profiles for days, it was probably the first time any of us ever experienced what it was like to be a mom, and make decisions so crucial toyour child's future! What if? What if ? I had God answering me quite a bit then though! But after the decision is finally made, for good, on a couple, I have never seen anyone change their mind. In a way this is when the process begins where the birth mom slowly falls in love with the family of her choice (maybe because we know we have to or maybe it just comes natural. I'm leaning on the natural side, because (speaking for myself) I wasn't thinking all that deep then! I was just wondering what my body was going to do next, and "is that normal?" haha
My "counselor" case worker asked me if I could pick five things very detailed what would they be. So I said mainly just for fun because I knew no one would have EVERYTHING I wanted for her. But the next day, what do ya know? She handed me "the profile" "My wishlist" of the perfect family was: 1. They had to be from Texas and live in Texas and love Texas (simple request,lol) That is just important to me.. I want her to grow up with lakes and land and friendly people all around her! 2. I said I wanted a sports family, football especially. I wanted a dad that went to a Texas college and after college watched almost every football game. (is a UT grad Longhorn for life, close enough!) I wanted him to be tall and strong and very protective. (This was all what I just came up with for fun when she asked, I'm not really this shallow. It is just amazing that the family was what I described jokingly the day before. I even said 3. I'd prefer a blonde mom (cause I am blonde? Maybe a weird way of "kinda" like me. Then when we met after she is all grown up, I wouldn't seem like such a foreign figure to her..yeah I thought that out a little too much. There is always hair dye) 4. I said a big backyard. there's was huge! 5. I wanted a Christian family (that was the main #1 factor a profile had to have before I would even consider it. That is just me though. Most of the other girls did not care one bit about their religion, and "really a Christian" who walk with god daily. 6. I slipped in how I'd like if they have boat on the lake, and were naturally athletic in their genes (cause she will be) and yep they actually had that one too. All of these things were shown in their profile, that is why I was truly shocked. They picked these out as important, if they put in on these pages...we think alike too! Ok, that was freaky and rare...but point is, there is a perfect fit for everyone, and it will happen!
I fell in love with my daughter's parents as soon as I saw their profile. But it was when I met the mother a few days later, that it truly sealed the deal. It was like I had known her all my life. We taped the adoption day (all 4 hours of it) and the mother I chose and I, had the exact same movements and cues. I mean we would both turn our head the same way at the time in response to something we heard...like that. It was cool too watch. I wanted to tell them that day, but everyone suggested I read some more profiles first and sleep on it. So I did...but when you know, you just know. God was all over our adoption, I guess no one saw it from my point of view though. I knew what I was doing and I knew what God was doing through me. I haven't ever been sure of myself or able to make decisions.. it was SO Not Me in charge at all. For the first time I understood, I felt it, what God's ultimate sovereignty really means. Nothing is done by mistake, it is ALL in His plan. God is God and he authors all. My rape brought much suffering, but He planned that to show me this new view of him. (And to complete a family, save my life, let me love this way, etc etc) Before all of this, I thought evil happens and then God sees it and then uses it for good..I was totally short changing God and bringing him down to my human level so I could understand. We can't understand and that is what makes his gift of salvation so much sweeter. And isn't it easier to live when you know whatever bad happens, God put it there for a reason (that is ALWAYS for your ultimate good) I am so preachy today. Geez.. Sorry. What I was trying to get to was.....Don't sweat the profiles or the waiting period, enjoy it, because only God can make it happen. In my experience, it isn't until you give up, that God starts making things happen.
The online parent profile blogs, which I have seen lately, are a wonderful way to put it all in order! I love them! Our adoption was no where near that open. I thought an "open" adoption meant you get letters. Now I know. The agency even keeps the parent's last names secret and so I won't know my daughter's middle or last name until -? So when I later saw couples posting there entire lives online for birth moms to view, I was shocked! The agencies can get in the way, that is for sure.
Another bonus is to have the husband describe the wife's personality and the wife describe the husband. It allows you to say so much more. Describe your partner's personality, but don't forget to put something romantic in too! (what made you fall for her, or what is your favorite thing about you wife, etc...) The romantic stuff is cute and needed in any relationship, just don't go overboard with it. A little genuine love will go along way when a birth mother sees it between you both. I think most of us b moms would rather not our child go through a divorce as well as an adoption at birth.
Try tomake fun of each other in your profile. I liked the ones with a sense of humor. Like ur adoptive mom (the Hopeful AP then) was so excited/nervous/happy all at once. She was just real. for instance the both put there favorite tv shows, and maatter how random of a show it would have been, I know they would be honest. There was an equal mix of humor and seriousness. Like I didnt want the perfect family" if there is such a thing...I wanted the family most like me and I am... well random.
Oh a gift (after the birth mom chooses you) is a nice gesture! I mean a card or some cookies. My AP's gave me these comfy pajamas, and I wear them a lot now and feel closer to her(my daughter) for some reason. I got flowers in the delivery room! I loved that. They were the only ones I got and they came at the perfect time! Don't fall for the old line, " I wanted to get her a card, but then I thought it might bring up old memories" That is BS, like we need a card to conjure up a memory, my daughter is always with me. And we don't get mad or offended very easily anyways. I found this out through research and through personal experience. Befor ewe were birth moms, many of us had a common personality aready, which allows one to do such a thing.
These are some of the responses (names changed for privacy) It seemed to help a few, so maybe it can help more parents struggling with these silly profiles. It’s too much pressure to put all of yourself in one little flip book, if you ask me. But it’s also difficult to choose a future for your child based off of that to. That is why I say, if your going to try adoption, you must have a ton of faith and hope! I have no clue, but i imagine the waiting would be hardest part. You have to just close your eyes, pray and jump in. We need to work out a better system though for getting to know the parents. My solution for everything these days is to videotape instead! But not sure how that would go over with the agencies.
I could go on forever with more on this subject. At least I learned a lot out of the time spent with 30 hormonal and hungry woman in the same space! Our room turned into the "counseling" room somehow. And that is where you learn EVERYTHING about someone. See that's why I feel so strongly that birth moms need a birth mom counselor thru the process, there are just things you can't ask or can't say to anyone but another birth mother. This also helps the AP's too, because the bm's decision is well thought out with the other birth mom (all scenarios have been tried out) and she is sure you are the parents for her child. Thus we avoid the "I changed my mind, oops" reaction after you have already fallen in love. (and those are rare horror stories, promise) Actually only .01% of adoptions are contested by the birth mom later. So the Lifetime Channel needs to come up with a different storyline!
yes, it is a help. I am struggling to complete our profile at this time. I’m a graphic designer by day and therefore am wanting our profile to be PERFECT and I know I’m making myself crazy over it. We are just normal people who want a family. I find it difficult to “sell” ourselves. This is helpful.
Just be who you are. Don’t be what your not. Show your heart and show you care. Show that you are loved and can give love. Love is more important than any material things. I was adopted and I have wonderful parents.
Brooke, my adopted daughter is now 12-1/2 (she was 6 months old when we “got” her). Your suggestions would have been most welcome back then. This is a terrific post and I’m sure that a lot of potential adoptive parents will appreciate your input. BTW — I couldn’t possibly love my daughter any more — God had her in mind for our family. She blesses my day every single minut
Director at Birth Mom Missions Thank you so much Nancy! What you said about your daughter, is exactly what I hope to hear form my child’s parent’s some day. Thank you! I love adoption because of people like you. I know what you mean, some things you just feel God’s hand in it, and it was so clear to me she was meant for her family. It’s so cool how children can bless us every minute of the day just by being alive. I feel like my daughter blesses me everyday too, even though I can’t see her.
Her name is Ann too! I hope I get to talk to her someday soon. Her daughter is like the other side to my story too! Hope someone reads and decides against an abortion today...
Ann and Juda Mye
Late one evening in 1956, a 22-year-old woman walked home alone
in the dark from a movie theater – but, as she tells her story, she
would not make it to the house before eight young men would brutally
beat and rape her in the streets.
The woman, Ann, recalled the horrifying sexual assault in a video about her experience in St. Louis, Mo. This is her story:
"I
walked home which was about eight blocks, and when I got close to home
there was a used car lot, and there were eight men in there," she said.
"They grabbed me and attacked me. And I made it home after they
attacked me and beat me up and did a few other things."
A child conceived in rape
Already shaken
by the traumatic sexual assault, Ann made a shocking discovery when she
went to stay with her parents in Jackson, Miss.
"At that time, I didn't know I was pregnant," she said. "Three months later, I found out I was, and my parents didn't want me to have the baby, let alone keep it."
Her mother insisted that she have an abortion, Ann said. But she adamantly refused.
"I didn't believe in destroying her, so I had her," she said in the video. "And they forced me to give her up."
Now that little baby, Juda Myers, is grown and shares her inspirational story of life.
"She knew I was a human," Myers told WND. "She said she couldn't kill a kitten or a puppy, much less a human baby."
A Methodist minister and a Catholic priest were instrumental in
helping Ann follow through with her plan to deliver the baby. The
priest took Ann to a Catholic charity in Shreveport, La., where Myers
was born.
"She gave me up for adoption," Myers said. "She didn't want to do that, but under the circumstances she had to."
When Ann was recuperating in the home following childbirth, an elderly lady brought the new baby to see her. Ann held the baby often, but when Myers was only 3 months old, she was adopted by another family.
Ann was given a photograph, and it remained her only memory of her baby for 48 years.
A tearful reunion
Myers' new parents
were open about the adoption and told the little girl she was adopted at a very young age.
"My adoptive parents always told me that I was very special
because I had two sets of parents," she said. "They insisted on letting
me know that I was loved. I did wonder why I was given up."
In 2005, almost 49 years later, Myers said she contacted an agency to help her find her birth mother.
"I wanted to be able to research her address and go there to
thank her for giving me life," Myers said. "I wanted to be able to get
those words out before she'd say, 'I don't want to have anything to do
with you. Leave me alone.'
"All I wanted in life was to thank this woman for giving birth to me."
But Ann called Myers in December and left a voicemail message before Myers could acquire the address.
She said, "Hi, this is Ann, and I'm interested in what you have
to say. I'm sorry I missed you. … If you're my long-lost daughter, God
bless you. If you're not, give me a call anyway. I'd love to know what
you want. God bless you, too."
Myers immediately called Ann, but Ann could not hear her because a group was Christmas caroling in the background.
"I asked, 'Is this Ann?'" Myers recalled. "She said, 'Honey, you are going to have to speak up. I can't hear you.'"
"I shouted, 'As far as I know, I'm your daughter!'"
Ann broke into tears.
"While I was saying this, the choir was in the background singing 'Gloria,'" Myers said with a chuckle.
She arranged to fly to her birth mother's nursing home, but she
was apprehensive about the reunion. Would Myers' features remind Ann of
her attackers on that horrific night?
"I have bright blue eyes,
and I was so afraid that my mother probably would have had brown eyes,"
she said. "I thought I might look like one of the rapists, and I didn't
want to meet her looking like him."
But when Myers approached the reception desk, she heard, "Juda?"
"I turned around, and I saw the brightest blue eyes," she
recalled. "It was just amazing to be able to see eyes that resembled
mine. It was a surreal moment."
Ann sat in her wheelchair, clutching the photo of her little baby.
"She was holding that picture in her hands after 48 years," Myers said. "She had never let it go."
Message of forgiveness and life
After
speaking with her birth mother for more than an hour, Myers asked Ann
about the circumstances of her conception. Ann explained that she had
been raped by eight young men one night outside of a used car lot in
St. Louis when she walked home from the movie.
"I was on my knees, and I was crying," Myers said. "I put my head in her lap and cried."
But Ann's reaction to her daughter's weeping astonished Myers.
"She just patted me and said, 'Honey, stop crying. I've forgiven those men."
She continued, "Look what God has done. He's brought you back to me. God is faithful."
When Myers returned home, she wrote a song for her mother and recorded it on a CD. She titled it "God Is Faithful."
"I went back, and I gave her that song as a gift," Myers said. "As she listened to the song, she just stared at me.
"In my entire life, I have never felt that kind of love. It was the most incredible moment."
Myers said her mother is her "hero" for forgiving her eight attackers and allowing her baby to live.
Because
of Ann's decision to save the life of one baby 53 years ago, five
people are alive today – including Myer's one-week-old grandbaby. She
now has two sons and two grandsons.
Myers' son, Jason, daughter-in-law, Veronica, and new grandbaby, Jackson (photo: Juda Myers)
"The main thrust of the book is how to forgive any offense, because my mom forgave," she said. "I forgave."
Now, Myers shares that message, seeking to inspire people wherever she goes. She has been to South Africa and is planning a trip to orphanages in India to share her music and testimony of God's love.
She has accepted an invitation from Harvard Right to Life to speak at Harvard University
on Oct. 20. Myers also plans to accompany Molly White, founder and
director of Women for Life International, to the United Nation's
Commission on the Status of Women's Conference.
Conceived in rape and dedicated to sharing her story of life and
forgiveness, Myers urges women to choose life instead of abortion.
She told WND she has an important message for women who experience unplanned pregnancies
We pray for the conversion of all those who refuse to acknowledge that human life belongs only to God.
Scripture: Then
the word of the Lord came to me, saying: "Before I formed you in the
womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you
a prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:4-5
Reflection: To be or not to be? There is no question!
The
question of "being" is something philosophers have long pondered. What
is the meaning of being and what is the source? In the passage before
us, we have our answer. We have being because we are known by God.
For
God to declare that he knows and sets apart the prophet Jeremiah even
before he is conceived indicates that our being rests in God's own
being. Because He is and because He wills we, therefore, are and do.
The Apostle Paul says as much when he declares before the philosophers
of his day, "In Him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28).
One
of the tragedies of the abortion culture is that life in the womb has
been so heartbreakingly devalued. To embrace the arguments of the
"pro-choice" crowd one must conclude that the child in the womb doesn't
exist, isn't there, has no being. But nothing could be further from the
truth. That child is known by God and, as such, has being.
Prayer: Lord
God, we confess that in You we live and move and have our being.
Because You are, we are. May we find grace from You to affirm the being
of every human and may we labor to make this truth known to the world
around us. Amen.
Rev. J. Kirk van der Swaagh Pastor, Conservative Congregational Christian Conference
Have you ever wondered what to say to a woman who has relinquished her child for adoption? Afraid to say the wrong thing? Here are five comments NOT to say to a Birthmother who has placed a child in an open adoption.
I. "I could never place my baby for adoption."
This
one used to make me cringe each time I hard it. I felt like I had
failed at motherhood and the person making the comment has succeeded.
That I must have been heartless to be able to do such an act. I felt
inferior, like I need to prove something to them. I
have since learned I am not inferior, and I do not have to prove my
mothering abilities to anyone. I believe now that comment has more to
do with the person making it, than myself. Never has a woman secure in
her role as a mother said that to me. Only the doubting,
struggling-to-get-by mothers who feel that they must make such a
declaration. II. "What a wonderful gift you have given to a childless couple" Try
to see this one from the Birthmother's point of view. Now, I love my
daughter's adoptive parents, but by no means did I place my first-born
child as a 'gift' to a childless couple. I am not that nice, not that
giving. When I clutched my nine-month pregnant belly with tears in my
eyes, I did not recite the phrase, "Just think how I am giving a
special gift to people I do not know". When
it comes down to the day when you hold your child for the first time,
all thoughts of anyone else but your child and yourself fade away.
There has to a higher reason for placement. I
gave Emily's parents as a gift to my daughter. That was my plan. That
was my intention. Now, as an added benefit, I see her parents lives
enriched by Emily's existence. Together, we celebrate the gift of
knowing our daughter, Emily.
III. "You can have other children" This
speaker means well, I am sure, but this comment can strike the very
heart of a Birthmother. Other children? You can never replace another
child with another! To try and do so is to dishonor the child you have
placed for adoption and the child you use to fill the void. Let
us remember our children. Let us celebrate them. We hold a special
place in our hearts where their names will be etched forever. No matter how many babies you carry out of the hospital with you, you never will forget the one you did not.
IV. A lady once said to me, "That sure is 'nice' of her parents to let you see Emily." My quick reply was, "That sure was nice of me to give them my baby!" Needless
to say she said nothing more. I try to educate people by telling them
my story, even on days I do not feel like doing so. Some, I have
learned, are not able to be very teachable on the subject. Her
attitude was that I should be grateful, as a dog is grateful to get
scraps from the dinner table. I will not put myself in such a position.
I refuse to be the silent shadow in the corner with my eyes downcast. Aside
from the fact my daughter's parents would never treat me in such a
fashion, I am grateful to God. The open adoption I have with my
daughter is like a gift from Him-a gift that I get to open each time I
see her smiling face.
V. The fifth response a Birthmother does not want to hear is an awkward silence. We want to talk about our children. We want to remember them. We know when you are avoiding it, and it hurts. I
love it when others ask me how Emily is doing and to ask to see the
pictures from my recent visit. I enjoy swapping my labor and delivery
tales with other mothers. By the way, I was in labor for forty-two
hours with my Emily! Ouch! It
is okay to talk about the children we placed. We placed them for
adoption. We did not place them out of our thoughts and hearts. I
do not wish to offend others, but to educate how a Birthmother may feel
about these five comments. Since not every Birthmother is the same,
some may disagree or not be affected by the above. I
hope by reading this article you will feel more confident and
comfortable when speaking with a Birthmother. Please do not think we
would rather not talk about our children. Silence is the first step to
many on the road to shame.
These are the stories I love to read! This is why my major was early child development psychology, I am fascinated by how these little brains work and learn! I truly believe babies (in and out of womb)feel much more than we give them credit. I think the way we treat babies right after birth should be much different and much more fragile. Maybe the reason guys are so screwed up (of course just my opinion that they are) is somehow related to the painful way they were circumcised at birth with no regard for their pain tolerance.
I'm still mad at the nurses for poking my girl when she first came out. Some people do have better memories than others…Just because most people claim to have their first memory after the age of 3 or 4, doesn't mean we all work like that. Most probably blocked it out, which I can testify on..is what you do when the pain is to much. Next I may do an article on Dolyletics http://www.doyletics.com/
Anyways, here is the first part of the article:
The story continues here, and a video is provided too: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/MindMoodNews/Story?id=8083181&page=1
Like any prospective mom, as 21-year-old Angela Morton goes through her first pregnancy the family stories of her own baby years begin to emerge — including her mother's trick of calming her with Aerosmith's 1988 song "Angel" anytime she was a fussing as an infant.
"That was the song for me I guess," said Morton. "But I've never even heard it since I was a baby."
Morton's mother may have discovered a secret infant-soothing property in Steven Tyler's rock ballads. Or, more likely, she was was playing on an aspect of fetal memory outlined by researchers in Tuesday's issue of the journal Child Development.
In a study of 100 of pregnant women in the Netherlands, researchers say they found evidence that fetuses have short-term memory of sounds by the 30th week of pregnancy, and develop a long-term memory of sound after that.
The researchers documented the memory by watching fetal movements with ultrasound while they played "vibroacoustic" sound to the growing baby. Five of the fetuses in the study did not move in reaction to the sound and were eliminated from the study.
But among the fetuses who did move, researchers repeated the sound until the fetus "habituated" to it and no longer reacted. Doctors let some time pass and then tested the memory of the fetus by playing the sound in intervals to see if the fetus "remembered" or recognized the sound and did not react.
The study found that by 30 weeks of age, a fetus could "remember" a sound for 10 minutes. By the 34th week a fetus may be able to "remember" the sound for four weeks.
Morton thought that same sort of memory could have been why she was calmed by Steven Tyler as an infant.
"She [Morton's mother] used to go play it when she pregnant and sing along… then when I was fussy as a baby she used to play it and I calmed down," she said.
Right now Morton mostly plays Christian rock and The Beatles for her baby boy Christian, who is due in November. She says she's thinking about expanding the music collection for her baby in case there is more to this research.
While researchers have long documented "habituation" of the fetus?—?an experiment with car horns and pregnant women in the 1920s was the first to do so?—?child development specialists might not all agree that this is a form of memory as everyday people think of it.
"In this case, they appear to be study a very primitive type of memory called habituation or sensitization which is the tendency of animals to stop responding to a repeated stimulus," said Mark Strauss, autism researcher and associate professor at the University of Pittsburgh wrote in an e-mail to ABCnews.com.
"It is already known that a fetus will habituate to a stimulus. Indeed, even just a single muscle cell that is stimulated by an electrical stimulus will stop contracting, indicating a type of memory," said Strauss.
But Strauss was intrigued that the fetal memory could last that either 10 minutes, or even four weeks, as the researchers suggested.
What is critically important to recognize, however, is that these memories are not conscious or introspective voluntary memories they way an older child or adult thinks about past experiences," said Strauss. "They are very different and, indeed, involve lower areas of the brain that are very different from high-level brain area."But that difference only piques the interest of some neurologists who are looking at how memories form in the human brain from the first moments in life through the later stages of dementia.
"It's interesting to say that babies have some memory, some intake of things, even if they're born premature. There's a lot of movement towards making intensive care units friendlier, controlling noise for example, for premature babies," said Dr. Paul Graham Fisher, a professor of neurology at Stanford University.
"Early kids can lie down memories, but what's going to be the really cool thing is how do they do it," he said. "How do stem cells, the very early cells in the brain, encrypt memory in the brain?"
While researchers strive to figure out the mechanics of memory, child development experts say studies like these may encourage parents to keep the earliest of environments in mind.
"Beyond ensuring healthy nutrition, research of this type, along with the work of others regarding infant memory should help us understand the importance of a safe, relatively low stress environment during this very sensitive period of development," said Rahil Briggs, a pediatric psychologist at the Montefiore Medical Center in New York City."It really is as if there is a recorder going on in there from the beginning, and we've got to be careful about what it's recording," she said.
May we have a heart and a zeal to save the poor and release the oppressed.
Scripture:
The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.
-- Luke 4:18-19
Reflection:
This passage is a very familiar one. It has been preached on many occasions, even made popular in books and songs. Though the quote is about Jesus, all Christians take this commission seriously as a directive on how to reach the world with the gospel. We, like our Savior, are to bring the good news to the poor, the broken hearted, those in captivity, those who cannot see, and the oppressed.
The commission given to us in this passage is clearly a charge to care for those for whom God cares the most. I wonder though, whom do we look for to be touched by the Holy Spirit as we go out into the world?
Who are the poor, if not those unborn children who have been abandoned by their parents before they ever leave the womb? Who are the broken hearted, if not those unborn children whose only example of love is having their mother take them to an abortion clinic to be destroyed, or the mother of a child who has been deceived by everyone around her into believing that what she is doing is best for her and her child? Who are the captives, if not those unborn children who are bound over to death by the "choice" of abortion? Who is more blind than an unborn child in the darkness of a womb that has become a waiting room for their death? And who is more oppressed than those unborn children whose oppression has been legitimized by their government, their church and even their family and loved ones.
Prayer:
Lord, You empower us with Your Spirit to do your will in the earth. Send us to the poorest, the most broken, the most captive, the most blind and the most oppressed in the world, the innocent pre-born children in their mother's wombs that are scheduled for destruction. Help us to bring them healing, liberty, sight and justice through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.
Fr. Terry Gensemer National Director, Charismatic Episcopal Church for Life
